My wife isn't in love with me anymore. What do I do?

What she's telling you

Now most guys hear "not in love" and think the feeling just ran out, like a tank of gas.

And honestly that's understandable, because that's how it gets talked about.

But feelings like that usually get buried long before they're gone.

You see, a woman needs to feel safe before she can feel desire or closeness, that's just her nature and you can't get around it.

And I mean emotional safety, her being able to say what's on her mind without you getting defensive, over explaining or justifying.

When that's been missing for years, what she feels toward you is mostly tired.

So "I love you but I'm not in love with you" often means she cares about you as a person and she's stopped feeling like your wife.

What most men do next

Most men try to get the feeling back by Friday.

Date nights, gifts, compliments, a weekend away.

To you that's romance.

But to your wife it can look like you skipped right past what she said and went straight to fixing how you feel about it.

All of it is wanting something FROM her, and she can feel that.

The other guy shuts down, decides it's over and starts acting like a roommate.

And the worst thing a guy can do is act frantic, which both of those are in their own way.

What I can't promise

I can't promise you her feelings come back.

Nobody can, and you should be careful with anybody who says they can.

What I can say is that pressure buries them deeper.

Find the one that sounds like your house

If she's gone quiet and stopped arguing, go to My wife has checked out.

If there's a lot of anger under it, go to My wife resents me.

And if you want to know who's worth listening to on this, here are the top 10 marriage authors for men.

One thing to do tonight

So write down the last time you remember her being warm toward you without you asking for it.

Then write down what was different about you back then.