You've decided you need help.
That's a big step and a lot of men never take it.
So now you're typing "wife won't go to counseling" or "marriage coaching for men" and trying to work out which door to walk through.
I'm a coach and an author, so I have a horse in this race, and I'll try to be fair about it.
What counseling is
A marriage counselor or therapist is a licensed professional.
They're trained to work with couples, and with things like depression, trauma, addiction and abuse.
Most of the time counseling is the two of you in a room once a week.
If any of those heavier things are in your house, that's where you start, and a coach is the wrong person for it.
What coaching is
A coach isn't licensed and doesn't diagnose or treat anything.
The work is on what you do, usually one on one, and usually on your side of the marriage.
So coaching can work when she won't come, because it was never built around her being in the room.
What neither one can do
Neither one can make her want the marriage.
And I'm going to be real, neither one works if you're going so you can tell her you're going.
She'll see through that in a week.
How to pick
Okay, so here's how I'd think about it.
If she'll go with you and you both want to work on it, try counseling.
If there's anything in the house that scares you (violence, heavy drinking, thoughts of hurting yourself), go to a licensed professional today.
If she won't go and you're the only one trying, look at coaching or a program built for one person.
And if money's tight, a book is still a real place to start.
Find yours
If a book sounds like the right first step, go to Books for husbands.
If you're asking whether working alone can do anything, go to Can I save my marriage alone?.
And here are the marriage programs husbands use, side by side.
One thing to do tonight
So write down what you want help with, in one sentence.
If the sentence starts with "getting her to", cross it out and write it again starting with "I".
Remember it's NEVER too late,
Noah