No affection from my wife and we live like roommates

What the missing touch is telling you

Now most guys think this is about sex, or hormones, or her being tired.

And honestly those can all be part of it.

But touch is usually the last thing to go and the last thing to come back.

You see, a woman needs to feel safe before she can ever feel desire, that's just her nature and you can't get around it.

And I mean emotional safety, her being able to say what's on her mind without you getting defensive, over explaining or justifying.

So when the talking dried up years ago, the touching followed it.

Which really means the cold bed is a symptom, and the cause is somewhere back up the line.

What most men do

Most men go one of two ways.

The first guy keeps reaching.

He hugs her from behind in the kitchen, he asks, he hints, he sulks when it's a no.

To him that's showing her he still wants her.

But to her every touch comes with a question attached, and she's tired of answering it.

It's wanting something FROM her.

The second guy stops touching her at all and gets resentful about it.

And she feels that too, the cold shoulder and the heavy sighs at bedtime.

Where a husband starts

So you start further back than the bedroom.

You start with whether she can talk to you.

When she can relax around you in conversation, her body has a reason to relax around you too.

Now I can't promise you the affection comes back.

But pushing for it keeps it further away.

Find the one that sounds like your house

If she's gone quiet in every other way too, go to My wife has checked out.

And when she's told you she's not in love with you, that's My wife isn't in love with me.

And if you'd like to read your way in, here are the 10 best marriage books for men.

One thing to do tonight

So write down the last five times you touched her.

Next to each one write what you were hoping would happen next.